Hello All! <3
As always, I encourage you to discern any considerations I offer against your own inner knowing. We are each on our own journey of self-discovery and what resonates with one soul may not for another.
Well, here we are in the heart of Venus Retrograde. Literally (it began March 4 and will continue until April 14) and energetically (it’s all about matters of love).
Love. Worth. The experiences that offer us deeper perspectives into these emotional states. The boundaries and choices that honor both. You may find yourself confronting questions that are just not the easiest to unravel.
In particular for women, mothers, those of us immersed in the images and trappings propagated by Western culture, the notion of love can feel complex. What is love? How do we express love with a spouse or partner, our children and extended family? How is love connected with responsibility? Who and what even taught us what love is? How has that influenced our beliefs about how we love ourselves and others?
As life gives us experiences to consider all of these questions, we typically first come to discover what loving ourselves and others indeed is not.
We start to recognize beliefs that are just distortions of love. Patterns that may be playing out on autopilot. As our awareness expands to see and acknowledge these once unconscious themes, we can have significant breakthroughs. As soon as we see a false belief pattern, by default the spell is broken. We can’t not know.. what we now know. And that literally and immediately affects our life perspective and experience. The more willing we are to move into conscious witness of the reflection made available on the big mirror turned back at us (i.e., the other people in our lives, the circumstances, and seemingly random events which are anything but) the more we have the opportunity to observe our beliefs. We also have the opportunity to decide if those beliefs really serve us anymore.
What new understandings may start to arise about what being loving may actually be?
My feeling is that the deepest foundation for how we experience the reality we move about in is our sense of:
We are consistently being called into deeper understanding that we are the only one holding the key to our worthiness. The love and care that we should not only feel worthy of from others, but that we must be willing to first show ourselves.
Love always originates within.
Our concept of our “self” worthiness literally serves as our filter in relation to everything else around us. That “everything else around us” serves as both a mirror and an opportunity to explore where we are… with ourselves. Do we actually have our own back? Or do we not have our own back, yet expect others to provide that for us? We come to understand, that the latter is energetically impossible. We can not receive from others what we first do not feel we are worthy of in what we give to ourselves.
Every time I am able to look in the life mirror…and witness that it is indeed a mirror, I realize it is never about what is happening outside of me. It’s not about “them” or “that”. It is about “me”. The real question always is:
“Where do I stand with me and my highest truths”?
This includes my beliefs, my boundaries, as well as my expectations of myself and others. Let’s use as an example from the life mirror, “somebody says something unkind to you”. How is this an example of the love another is showing (or not showing) to us? How can this be a reflection of how we love (or are lacking in love for) ourselves?
How do you react to it? People who say blatantly unkind things are in a space of working out their own demons. When we know that….when we really, really know that, it usually doesn’t trigger us significantly. It doesn’t mean we hang around and endure the insults (a big lesson in self-love). But our internal reaction to it, and subsequent choices, can tell us a lot about where we are in our own beliefs about our self and our sense of worthiness in this world.
It would be like someone walking up to you and saying..
“Your green polka-dot skin is so ugly”!
Well, you would think that’s kind of absurd and actually delusional (you would be aware it is going on in only their mind and holds no truth for you). So you would basically just shrug it off and walk away. That’s really not too different from how our psyche works. The things that don’t touch our self-knowing and self-worth just don’t evoke much of a reaction. However, the things that trigger us usually hold some (typically unconscious) level of truth for us. That is why it evokes a reaction in us. Something inside of us is calling out to be acknowledged. It is typically a very deep core belief. Something instilled in us often so long ago that it is suppressed, yet very active in steering our everyday experience.
If we use the example of somebody saying something unkind to you to further illustrate how deep a core belief goes, it may look something like this. They say it and it triggers the hell out of you. So what exactly is that triggering in your unconscious?
Somebody triggers you with a negative comment:
Is there an aspect of you that believes you are unworthy?
Take it even deeper.
If you believe you are unworthy, do believe you are bad?
Take it even deeper.
If you believe you are bad, do you believe you deserve suffering?
Take it even deeper.
If you believe you deserve suffering, do you believe you are destined to a life of rejection?
Take it even deeper.
If you believe you are destined to a life of rejection, do you believe you are essentially alone?
It may seem like a stretch from one negative comment someone directs at you that makes you angry. But that really is the trickiest part. Uncovering what we ACTUALLY believe. Don’t discount the layers of conditioning to which you have been exposed. Since you were so very young. The unconscious beliefs that desire to be recognized and resolved. This is the work of digging deep. And the truth is, it usually does go deep. What triggers you on the surface is rarely what it is REALLY about.
Deep down into the hidden core beliefs which we hold that are absolutely and intimately connected to our sense of self-worth.
Our self-worth is connected to the ways we act (or don’t) in self-love. And the ways we act (or don’t act) is self-love have a direct impact on the way we give and receive love from the other people in our lives. Oh Venus Retrograde, you gave us some work.The level of love we hold for ourselves will faithfully stand in the reflection of our life mirror. Patiently showing us again and again the messages begging for acknowledgement. We can gaze into the mirror with absolutely anything that triggers us. Anger, resentments, sadness, frustration, hopelessness. We can make a conscious choice to unravel our beliefs and begin to heal and transform them versus allowing them to control us.
Ways to open deeper to self-love:
- Regular meditation. It is essential to cultivate a practice of quieting your thoughts. Meditation invites in a perspective outside of our thought patterns which allows the space for observation and reflection.
- Additional time for quiet reflection. If we are always engaged in busyness we are not allowing the space for significant realizations and shifts to emerge. Allowing yourself this space is vital in your self-care.
- Make meeting more than just your basic needs a priority. Making a choice to allow time and self-permission to eat well, get adequate rest, engage in activities alone, cultivate hobbies you find enjoyable, spending regular time in nature, and exercising and caring for your health and body in ways you find enjoyable..
- Journaling. A great outlet for emotions which can facilitate a trail of thoughts and beliefs to assist in unraveling to deeper aspects. It is also beneficial for reflection as you work through different issues over time.
- Approach others with curiosity (especially when they trigger us). Hold a desire to understand them and the events going on around you versus dissecting it in terms of who/what is “right” and who/what is “wrong”
- Utilize strategies to release undesired core beliefs. Begin by accepting the truth of the core belief, however negative you may initially judge it. Then start to shift your support of the belief by incrementally re-framing your thoughts. This may sometimes involve minor or even major choices that involve change in your life to best honor yourself. Or sometimes shifting a core belief may shift your dynamics without the need for you to make significant moves in your life. The shift will be in your perception versus making a necessary move to claim your value. Every situation is different and through reflection, you will know what is best for you. You may find benefit in the support of a coach, therapist, or counselor for this part of the process. I would be happy to assist if you are interested.
The work of self-discovery is our spiritual work. They are one and the same. As you come to know more of who you are, you come to know more of your soul and connection with Spirit. When you are willing to go deeper, life changes. Your spirituality and connection to yourself, others, and all of creation expands.
Our value is innate to our life experience. We cultivate our understanding of our value through our evolving beliefs and choices.
Invest your time and energy in becoming more fully “you”. Loving and respecting the person you are. It literally shifts your entire life experience and future timelines. With each depth of transformation, the mirror will reflect back the change in how you feel about yourself and your life as well as those you choose to surround yourself with. All of it is a choice.
Love is not blind. Love seeks to see.
The more we see, the more access we have to the full spectrum of this experience of our existence here. Learning to give to ourselves first as much love as we extend to others. Feeling our worthiness in all that we are. We begin to discover that our purpose lies in our experiences and that our greatest teacher is found in both our struggles and our joys. The lesson always being how to show more love, not less. Learning from a variety of perspectives, that it always starts with us. That the most loving thing we can do for others is paradoxically to take very could care of ourselves.
If you would like to connect for a one-on-one session as you navigate your journey of self-discovery, I would consider it my privilege and look forward to hearing from you.
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